The paint kind!!!

And it feels like a really good time for this…

As you’ve no doubt noticed, this world needs people like us. And – maybe, just maybe – it’s starting to notice!

In fact, I learned a new word this morning. Well, not a new word, but a current appropriation of a the word, influence.

Yep… influencer! Right there on the news… which is part of the thing called context!

Let’s just say that the conversation went from Taylor Swift to Stanley cups. (The beverage kind… not the hockey kind!)

What they were really talking about, though, was women changing conversations!

Now, the people around me are much happier when I don’t sing. And the possibility of lead exposure in the fad-ish drinking cups was enough to convince me that I don’t even need to ponder wanting one of those.

I want to make art!

Not, mind you, the kind that’s cool because it matches the fad couch of the moment.

The kind that helps me grow while I make it!

Grow, enough, in fact, that I have major things to share. One of those things that’s blooming in me is all the things prayer dots – or dots of hope – can do, intentionally.

And, yes… my Guardian painting is still chatting away! She’s insistent, this one.

Dot-flowers. Voice…. Choice…. Sovereignty. (The personal kind of sovereignty for. Not over.)

Dot-hair. Hope! Not just in general… but brave, real-world hopes! The kind with hearts and hands and feet! (Which is next on the list!)

Then, there’s the volunteer bear, you glimpsed as we began! A mama-bear with lots of practice at loving courage!!!

And, just between us… there’s a whole lot of claiming my shifting filters goin’ on!

The point of this adventure, on the Origins journey, was – in my understanding – to claim my role as a Guardian in the garden we know as this world. Color. Vines. Flowers. Something that represents me… The Fiercely Compassionate Rebel (!) Grandmother.

What I didn’t see coming was the presence of my Guardian. The Divine Feminine of my understanding. Teaching me and guarding me in this world, now!

And, en-couraging me to show others the way!

Frankly, sharing this journey is kind of scary. And, it is also a huge part of my way of being – if you’ll pardon the pop culture jargon – an influencer!

So… here’s the question!

What might being an influencer look like in your world???

Really!!!

That’s exactly what we’ll be working on in…

Oh, I See… Consciously! The path from “If only…” to “I am!”

We start soon! (And there will be painting!)

And there’s still a seat for you! So, grab a cuppa, take a deep breath, and click HERE to learn more!!!

I’m headed back to my easel, creaking knees and cranky wrist, full of curiosity… and an open heart!

ps… one more thing I learned on MSNBC this morning! A poem!!!

That’s My Heart Right There 

We used to say,
That’s my heart right there. As if to say,
Don’t mess with her right there.
As if, don’t even play,
That’s a part of me right there.
In other words, okay okay,
That’s the start of me right there.
As if, come that day,
That’s the end of me right there.
As if, push come to shove,
I would fend for her right there.
As if, come what may,
I would lie for her right there.
As if, come love to pay,
I would die for that right there.

-Willie Perdomo

pps… this poem comes from the new book, This is the Honey: An Anthology of Contemporary Black Poets, by Kwame Alexander. I bought my copy this morning!

Yep! The basement!!! With huge thanks to the Legendary Husband for undertaking the expedition on my behalf!

The goal???

A square canvas. At least 36×36″. New and shiny. Or, stuck somewhere between begun and finished.

He was successful! There were actually two neglected candidates waiting to be noticed.

The photo, above, is the middle section of the 48″ square winner. (Read that… lots of underlayers ready to play!)

Frankly, we have a big job ahead of us, Guardian and I. And, yes… this is my third beginning on this journey!

It’s not that I messed up along the way. It’s more that this one wants to be very different from much of the work I’ve done before. And, just between us, my paint brush has struggled a bit with the notion of different! As in, scary!

Progress is among us, though! (Here’s an up-close view of where I was after I sat and stared at it for a couple of hours and then actually – you know – picked up a brush! And a squirt bottle!)

Intentionally claiming my promise to create!

The part I’m still experimenting with is the notion that much of what I’m painting and loving will eventually disappear under marks that I can only describe as intentionally abstract!

The real challenge is that I can’t see it in my head!

Well, that feels like the real challenge! It’s actually just the way my brain works.

The other challenge is realizing how much this one means to me.

It’s all about what I would call my Promise. My work in the world. The world my granddaughters – and all our Littles – will inherit.

I have words for that. No problem! And, yes… this is a Filter thing!

And that, dear heart, is the key to unsticking stuck stuff, which is one of my most favorite things!

I’ve had some good teachers along the way… so it’s no accident that I’m typing these words to share with you, just before I head to bed… I’m talking to myself!

We do not become healers. We came as healers. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become storytellers.
We came as carriers of the stories
we and our ancestors actually lived. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become artists. We came as artists. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become writers… dancers.. musicians… helpers… peacemakers. We came as such. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not learn to love in this sense. We came as Love. We are Love. Some of us are still catching up to who we truly are.

– Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

The trick is venturing out to live as we truly are!

And that, my friend, involves laying down all the stuff that’s been holding us back!

Limiting beliefs. Other people’s shoulds and oughts. The power of shame and blame. Fear of fear. (Really!)

And laying that stuff down takes learning new things… preferably in community! It takes seeing deep. Consciously!

Now is the time!

Well, it’s probably well past time for some of us. It IS the time we have! So, take a deep breath, please. And click this link…

…to learn more!

I know! It might feel scary. Here’s what’s even scarier… not taking a chance on you!

How do I know? Well, I’ve been taking a chance on me and learning to help people just like you do the same for over 30 years, now. And right there, in the place you’ll be when you click the big link, I’ve added a few details about my journey… about the things in my medicine basket, just in case you’re wondering. We’ve got this!

So check what’s happened on my canvas since I began painting and writing on Saturday afternoon. It’s really the visible artifact of what’s happening inside me! And the word for that is HOPE!

Aren’t you done with, “If only…”???

Join us. Soon! We begin on February 8th…

Gnostic Judeo-Christian Mystic Medicine Woman walking the Way of Love (aka, The Fiercely Compassionate Rebel Grandmother, For Rent)

ps… huge thanks to my Intentionally Conscious buddy, Natalie Moyes, for helping sort glazes!

Just between us, I’ve been trying – for a lot of years now – to pretend that my body’s main job is to carry my heart and mind around the world, while I accomplish the things they put on my list.

In addition to being a fairly lumpy sentence, that theory doesn’t work real well in practice, either.

Yesterday was a good day for reflecting on such things!

It turns out that my body has a really, really good memory.

My knees, of course, remember their various encounters with scalpels and bone saws. Also an unfortunate adventure with one of those huge exercise balls and the floor.

My ribs remember breaking sounds and the resulting huge resistance to moving.

All of me remembers being in labor, 44 years ago. Well, not consciously. The seizures kind of messed with the conscious part.

And all of those memories went with me to physical therapy!

It was cold and wet and there were several voices in my head suggesting that I could just skip that particular event on my calendar.

And then there was my right hand, insisting that we go. Dry needles and all.

You see, my right hand – being mostly in charge of painting – has been really busy lately, helping the rest of me learn and sort and claim new things.

Here’s the big news…

It seems that there are insights which are easier to find if we be our way to them, instead of trying to just think our way there.

And, bringing visions into being works really well for me!

Here’s an example…

My first Legend painting.

She was my third-ever painting and I was terrified. Mostly because I had been well schooled in the notion that…

WE don’t do symbols. Other people do, but we are not like them.

But, it turns out that WE can learn, if we’re willing to lay down limiting beliefs like that one!

It helps if we allow ourselves to experiment with allowing our inspire – ations to be included. I didn’t know it then, but this was the early days of my bringing my commitment to voice and choice into form.

And, as I sat gazing about for inspiration, I found myself focusing on her right hand – which some might say is a symbol of power – reminding me that taking a night off to rest my hand was likely to be a good embodied investment!

Which isn’t bad for a six year old painting, teaching me still! And she has another job, these days!

Waving at you! And whispering…

Hi! Come closer. Find YOUR North Star. Claim your vision. See what’s possible!

It’s Alchemy. And we start soon! Click HERE for all the info…

For tonight… huge gratitude for the baby boy who withstood all those challenges with me years ago and inspires me, still!

ps… yep! Often, we really do need to DO something different in order to claim our new paths. To keep our promises. So, click the thing and listen deep. We could all use some alchemy!

We had dogs when I was a kid. Lots of them.

Eventually, a couple of cats. Occasional fish. For a bit, even a few adopted science fair chameleons.

We did NOT have small rodents. No white mice. No gerbils. No guinea pigs. No hamsters. (Mom was not remotely a fan!)

I was pretty much okay with that, being very much a dog person, myself. With all of our moving, the dogs were friends who moved with us… my sense of consistency in those days of pre-abstract thought and very little choice.

There was a time, though, when I was tempted by hamsters. Not the actual hamsters, so much, as those cool hollow spherical gizmos… like cages that moved across the floor as the wee beasties ran around inside them.

nb… these gizmos may not have been a good idea as google suggests they no longer exist!

These days, I’m more tempted by actual freedom. By choosing voice!

And by new experiences of alchemy!

Now, alchemy is not a word we studied in nursing school or seminary. Or, at the very least, not one that made it through my filters in those days of trying to survive.

These are different times. And I am making room in my medicine basket for new learning.

Much of that learning involves canvas and paint. It also involves showing up. Not only for the doing, but for the sorting and claiming. For the dreaming.

The opinionated being, above, is still a #work-in-progress and there’s a bit of editing going on behind the scenes before she’s ready for a big visual reveal.

She, by the way, is the emerging image from the medicine painting journey known as Temple… the Artist Erotic. She is/we are speaking… and getting ready for Oh! I See…

Finally, I am whole!

I have lived from my neck up most of my days.

Feeling safe.

Avoiding pain.

Afraid of motion.

There are many reasons… all of them true.

And never enough.

I declare myself free!

All of me!!!

And worthy of pleasure.

Of joy.

Of being a whole and divinely created Fiercely Compassionate Rebel Grandmother!®

And, she has a friend… a medicine painting sister on the journey!

The Alchemist… who wants to meet you!!!

Actually… she wants you to create your version of her!

First, though… a bit of a vocabulary lesson! Full disclosure – I began with a google search, wound up in a “place” called Udemy, and did a bit of my own editing:

Spiritual Alchemy… the act of inner transformation. It is healing and freeing the inner parts of ourselves longing for change. By transforming these parts of us, we are led to inner liberation, the freedom from our fears, from beliefs that no longer serve us, and from other self-limiting perspectives and patterns.

Intrigued about the journey with the Alchemist??? CLICK HERE! for all the information on Oh! I See… Consciously!!! Let your soul explore. Ask your questions. (The calendar elves are on it!) And take a chance on “I am!”

ps… just in case a bit of translation about supplies is helpful, here’s a good start! We’ve got this!

pps… fab smoked salmon and Madam Secretary (Season 5, episode 11) for lunch. Swore a blue streak at border issues and detaining children and getting rich letting it happen. Then, I picked my brush back up and and reminded myself why, as Mama Caron taught us, I matter. And you matter. And we matter. And mattering matters. And none of us have to matter alone! That’s why you’re invited to make this big step beyond If only!!! (Click the utterly empowering link and take a chance on knowing more! Please!!!)

Well, I hadn’t either… until she appeared on my canvas, way back in 2018. Part Mermaid and part Manatee!

I was a very new artist in those days, only just learning to listen deep. (And how to wash paint brushes!)

Officially, she is The Muse. And she is teaching me, still. Teaching me, mostly, about seeing. (And about new uses for my adventures in the way back world of Greek School, aka Seminary’s baptism by fire!)

Let’s fast-forward to this moment and a close-up glimpse of my “finished” friend.

The Greek words painted near her eyes represent three kinds of seeing. The one below the eye on your right is blepo which means to pay attention… to be possessed of sight or have the power of seeing. It can also be translated as, Behold!

The top one on your left is orao which has to do with watching and guarding. To be vigilant and conscious.

And the one on the left, beside her nose, is a form of gnosis which is about coming to know or recognize or understand.

I will confess to having been really lost, those early days in Greek School. The light came on when I realized that the word blepo was familiar to me from fancy medical names I had learned for eye surgery procedures. And, miraculously, there was hope!

The whole vision thing has been much on my mind again, lately. Literally.

I got new glasses – lenses and frames – in June, just before I left for France. I didn’t want to miss anything!

I spend a lot of time taking them off and putting them on… trying to shift from laptop to phone to canvas to actual people I love. Which does, indeed, mean that it’s time for a new eye doc… right after the knee x-rays!

Kind of surprisingly, with all the things going on in this world, I keep dreaming about glasses! (Possibly because The Muse hangs on the wall at the foot of our bed… and she seems more insistent than usual!)

It feels like part of her urgency has to do with the news. And remembering. Especially Dr. King, whom I suspect is dreaming still.

There’s another part of her urgency, though, which feels like a call to me. To be open to seeing.

Here’s a bit of a story from last night…

It was back in the time I was painting The Muse and my glasses from those days needed a bit of a fit adjustment. (And some paint removal!)

There was a woman there – probably about 10 years older than I was – trying to pick out frames, which is difficult if you can’t see without glasses. She was debating between two choices.

Eventually, she asked if she could ask me a question, which went a lot like this:

Were the ones she liked best “too much” with color in the tortoise-shell frames? And, did I think she could wear them to church?

After confessing to being an artist, I wondered with her about what possible problem Creator could have with our being able to see AND liking our glasses!

Which, when you get right down to it, is actually a Filters issue!

And that, dear heart, is a whole other way to see!

Which brings us to a whole new adventure!

YES, you’re invited!!! Think of it as vision. As a living map from where you are to where you dream of being… And, before you cave to not ready or too busy or very scary, take a deep breath, please. And CLICK HERE for all the info! It’s a whole lot like glasses you can see out of and love!!!

ps… hurry!!! Our inspirational adventure starts soon and we’re keeping the group small!

pps… questions??? Click the link above and it will lead you to the calendar elves who would be delighted to hook you up with time for – well – questions! (We love questions!!!)