The paint kind!!!

And it feels like a really good time for this…

As you’ve no doubt noticed, this world needs people like us. And – maybe, just maybe – it’s starting to notice!

In fact, I learned a new word this morning. Well, not a new word, but a current appropriation of a the word, influence.

Yep… influencer! Right there on the news… which is part of the thing called context!

Let’s just say that the conversation went from Taylor Swift to Stanley cups. (The beverage kind… not the hockey kind!)

What they were really talking about, though, was women changing conversations!

Now, the people around me are much happier when I don’t sing. And the possibility of lead exposure in the fad-ish drinking cups was enough to convince me that I don’t even need to ponder wanting one of those.

I want to make art!

Not, mind you, the kind that’s cool because it matches the fad couch of the moment.

The kind that helps me grow while I make it!

Grow, enough, in fact, that I have major things to share. One of those things that’s blooming in me is all the things prayer dots – or dots of hope – can do, intentionally.

And, yes… my Guardian painting is still chatting away! She’s insistent, this one.

Dot-flowers. Voice…. Choice…. Sovereignty. (The personal kind of sovereignty for. Not over.)

Dot-hair. Hope! Not just in general… but brave, real-world hopes! The kind with hearts and hands and feet! (Which is next on the list!)

Then, there’s the volunteer bear, you glimpsed as we began! A mama-bear with lots of practice at loving courage!!!

And, just between us… there’s a whole lot of claiming my shifting filters goin’ on!

The point of this adventure, on the Origins journey, was – in my understanding – to claim my role as a Guardian in the garden we know as this world. Color. Vines. Flowers. Something that represents me… The Fiercely Compassionate Rebel (!) Grandmother.

What I didn’t see coming was the presence of my Guardian. The Divine Feminine of my understanding. Teaching me and guarding me in this world, now!

And, en-couraging me to show others the way!

Frankly, sharing this journey is kind of scary. And, it is also a huge part of my way of being – if you’ll pardon the pop culture jargon – an influencer!

So… here’s the question!

What might being an influencer look like in your world???

Really!!!

That’s exactly what we’ll be working on in…

Oh, I See… Consciously! The path from “If only…” to “I am!”

We start soon! (And there will be painting!)

And there’s still a seat for you! So, grab a cuppa, take a deep breath, and click HERE to learn more!!!

I’m headed back to my easel, creaking knees and cranky wrist, full of curiosity… and an open heart!

ps… one more thing I learned on MSNBC this morning! A poem!!!

That’s My Heart Right There 

We used to say,
That’s my heart right there. As if to say,
Don’t mess with her right there.
As if, don’t even play,
That’s a part of me right there.
In other words, okay okay,
That’s the start of me right there.
As if, come that day,
That’s the end of me right there.
As if, push come to shove,
I would fend for her right there.
As if, come what may,
I would lie for her right there.
As if, come love to pay,
I would die for that right there.

-Willie Perdomo

pps… this poem comes from the new book, This is the Honey: An Anthology of Contemporary Black Poets, by Kwame Alexander. I bought my copy this morning!

Yep! The basement!!! With huge thanks to the Legendary Husband for undertaking the expedition on my behalf!

The goal???

A square canvas. At least 36×36″. New and shiny. Or, stuck somewhere between begun and finished.

He was successful! There were actually two neglected candidates waiting to be noticed.

The photo, above, is the middle section of the 48″ square winner. (Read that… lots of underlayers ready to play!)

Frankly, we have a big job ahead of us, Guardian and I. And, yes… this is my third beginning on this journey!

It’s not that I messed up along the way. It’s more that this one wants to be very different from much of the work I’ve done before. And, just between us, my paint brush has struggled a bit with the notion of different! As in, scary!

Progress is among us, though! (Here’s an up-close view of where I was after I sat and stared at it for a couple of hours and then actually – you know – picked up a brush! And a squirt bottle!)

Intentionally claiming my promise to create!

The part I’m still experimenting with is the notion that much of what I’m painting and loving will eventually disappear under marks that I can only describe as intentionally abstract!

The real challenge is that I can’t see it in my head!

Well, that feels like the real challenge! It’s actually just the way my brain works.

The other challenge is realizing how much this one means to me.

It’s all about what I would call my Promise. My work in the world. The world my granddaughters – and all our Littles – will inherit.

I have words for that. No problem! And, yes… this is a Filter thing!

And that, dear heart, is the key to unsticking stuck stuff, which is one of my most favorite things!

I’ve had some good teachers along the way… so it’s no accident that I’m typing these words to share with you, just before I head to bed… I’m talking to myself!

We do not become healers. We came as healers. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become storytellers.
We came as carriers of the stories
we and our ancestors actually lived. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become artists. We came as artists. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become writers… dancers.. musicians… helpers… peacemakers. We came as such. We are.
Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not learn to love in this sense. We came as Love. We are Love. Some of us are still catching up to who we truly are.

– Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

The trick is venturing out to live as we truly are!

And that, my friend, involves laying down all the stuff that’s been holding us back!

Limiting beliefs. Other people’s shoulds and oughts. The power of shame and blame. Fear of fear. (Really!)

And laying that stuff down takes learning new things… preferably in community! It takes seeing deep. Consciously!

Now is the time!

Well, it’s probably well past time for some of us. It IS the time we have! So, take a deep breath, please. And click this link…

…to learn more!

I know! It might feel scary. Here’s what’s even scarier… not taking a chance on you!

How do I know? Well, I’ve been taking a chance on me and learning to help people just like you do the same for over 30 years, now. And right there, in the place you’ll be when you click the big link, I’ve added a few details about my journey… about the things in my medicine basket, just in case you’re wondering. We’ve got this!

So check what’s happened on my canvas since I began painting and writing on Saturday afternoon. It’s really the visible artifact of what’s happening inside me! And the word for that is HOPE!

Aren’t you done with, “If only…”???

Join us. Soon! We begin on February 8th…

Gnostic Judeo-Christian Mystic Medicine Woman walking the Way of Love (aka, The Fiercely Compassionate Rebel Grandmother, For Rent)

ps… huge thanks to my Intentionally Conscious buddy, Natalie Moyes, for helping sort glazes!

Just between us, I’ve been trying – for a lot of years now – to pretend that my body’s main job is to carry my heart and mind around the world, while I accomplish the things they put on my list.

In addition to being a fairly lumpy sentence, that theory doesn’t work real well in practice, either.

Yesterday was a good day for reflecting on such things!

It turns out that my body has a really, really good memory.

My knees, of course, remember their various encounters with scalpels and bone saws. Also an unfortunate adventure with one of those huge exercise balls and the floor.

My ribs remember breaking sounds and the resulting huge resistance to moving.

All of me remembers being in labor, 44 years ago. Well, not consciously. The seizures kind of messed with the conscious part.

And all of those memories went with me to physical therapy!

It was cold and wet and there were several voices in my head suggesting that I could just skip that particular event on my calendar.

And then there was my right hand, insisting that we go. Dry needles and all.

You see, my right hand – being mostly in charge of painting – has been really busy lately, helping the rest of me learn and sort and claim new things.

Here’s the big news…

It seems that there are insights which are easier to find if we be our way to them, instead of trying to just think our way there.

And, bringing visions into being works really well for me!

Here’s an example…

My first Legend painting.

She was my third-ever painting and I was terrified. Mostly because I had been well schooled in the notion that…

WE don’t do symbols. Other people do, but we are not like them.

But, it turns out that WE can learn, if we’re willing to lay down limiting beliefs like that one!

It helps if we allow ourselves to experiment with allowing our inspire – ations to be included. I didn’t know it then, but this was the early days of my bringing my commitment to voice and choice into form.

And, as I sat gazing about for inspiration, I found myself focusing on her right hand – which some might say is a symbol of power – reminding me that taking a night off to rest my hand was likely to be a good embodied investment!

Which isn’t bad for a six year old painting, teaching me still! And she has another job, these days!

Waving at you! And whispering…

Hi! Come closer. Find YOUR North Star. Claim your vision. See what’s possible!

It’s Alchemy. And we start soon! Click HERE for all the info…

For tonight… huge gratitude for the baby boy who withstood all those challenges with me years ago and inspires me, still!

ps… yep! Often, we really do need to DO something different in order to claim our new paths. To keep our promises. So, click the thing and listen deep. We could all use some alchemy!

We had dogs when I was a kid. Lots of them.

Eventually, a couple of cats. Occasional fish. For a bit, even a few adopted science fair chameleons.

We did NOT have small rodents. No white mice. No gerbils. No guinea pigs. No hamsters. (Mom was not remotely a fan!)

I was pretty much okay with that, being very much a dog person, myself. With all of our moving, the dogs were friends who moved with us… my sense of consistency in those days of pre-abstract thought and very little choice.

There was a time, though, when I was tempted by hamsters. Not the actual hamsters, so much, as those cool hollow spherical gizmos… like cages that moved across the floor as the wee beasties ran around inside them.

nb… these gizmos may not have been a good idea as google suggests they no longer exist!

These days, I’m more tempted by actual freedom. By choosing voice!

And by new experiences of alchemy!

Now, alchemy is not a word we studied in nursing school or seminary. Or, at the very least, not one that made it through my filters in those days of trying to survive.

These are different times. And I am making room in my medicine basket for new learning.

Much of that learning involves canvas and paint. It also involves showing up. Not only for the doing, but for the sorting and claiming. For the dreaming.

The opinionated being, above, is still a #work-in-progress and there’s a bit of editing going on behind the scenes before she’s ready for a big visual reveal.

She, by the way, is the emerging image from the medicine painting journey known as Temple… the Artist Erotic. She is/we are speaking… and getting ready for Oh! I See…

Finally, I am whole!

I have lived from my neck up most of my days.

Feeling safe.

Avoiding pain.

Afraid of motion.

There are many reasons… all of them true.

And never enough.

I declare myself free!

All of me!!!

And worthy of pleasure.

Of joy.

Of being a whole and divinely created Fiercely Compassionate Rebel Grandmother!®

And, she has a friend… a medicine painting sister on the journey!

The Alchemist… who wants to meet you!!!

Actually… she wants you to create your version of her!

First, though… a bit of a vocabulary lesson! Full disclosure – I began with a google search, wound up in a “place” called Udemy, and did a bit of my own editing:

Spiritual Alchemy… the act of inner transformation. It is healing and freeing the inner parts of ourselves longing for change. By transforming these parts of us, we are led to inner liberation, the freedom from our fears, from beliefs that no longer serve us, and from other self-limiting perspectives and patterns.

Intrigued about the journey with the Alchemist??? CLICK HERE! for all the information on Oh! I See… Consciously!!! Let your soul explore. Ask your questions. (The calendar elves are on it!) And take a chance on “I am!”

ps… just in case a bit of translation about supplies is helpful, here’s a good start! We’ve got this!

pps… fab smoked salmon and Madam Secretary (Season 5, episode 11) for lunch. Swore a blue streak at border issues and detaining children and getting rich letting it happen. Then, I picked my brush back up and and reminded myself why, as Mama Caron taught us, I matter. And you matter. And we matter. And mattering matters. And none of us have to matter alone! That’s why you’re invited to make this big step beyond If only!!! (Click the utterly empowering link and take a chance on knowing more! Please!!!)

Well, I hadn’t either… until she appeared on my canvas, way back in 2018. Part Mermaid and part Manatee!

I was a very new artist in those days, only just learning to listen deep. (And how to wash paint brushes!)

Officially, she is The Muse. And she is teaching me, still. Teaching me, mostly, about seeing. (And about new uses for my adventures in the way back world of Greek School, aka Seminary’s baptism by fire!)

Let’s fast-forward to this moment and a close-up glimpse of my “finished” friend.

The Greek words painted near her eyes represent three kinds of seeing. The one below the eye on your right is blepo which means to pay attention… to be possessed of sight or have the power of seeing. It can also be translated as, Behold!

The top one on your left is orao which has to do with watching and guarding. To be vigilant and conscious.

And the one on the left, beside her nose, is a form of gnosis which is about coming to know or recognize or understand.

I will confess to having been really lost, those early days in Greek School. The light came on when I realized that the word blepo was familiar to me from fancy medical names I had learned for eye surgery procedures. And, miraculously, there was hope!

The whole vision thing has been much on my mind again, lately. Literally.

I got new glasses – lenses and frames – in June, just before I left for France. I didn’t want to miss anything!

I spend a lot of time taking them off and putting them on… trying to shift from laptop to phone to canvas to actual people I love. Which does, indeed, mean that it’s time for a new eye doc… right after the knee x-rays!

Kind of surprisingly, with all the things going on in this world, I keep dreaming about glasses! (Possibly because The Muse hangs on the wall at the foot of our bed… and she seems more insistent than usual!)

It feels like part of her urgency has to do with the news. And remembering. Especially Dr. King, whom I suspect is dreaming still.

There’s another part of her urgency, though, which feels like a call to me. To be open to seeing.

Here’s a bit of a story from last night…

It was back in the time I was painting The Muse and my glasses from those days needed a bit of a fit adjustment. (And some paint removal!)

There was a woman there – probably about 10 years older than I was – trying to pick out frames, which is difficult if you can’t see without glasses. She was debating between two choices.

Eventually, she asked if she could ask me a question, which went a lot like this:

Were the ones she liked best “too much” with color in the tortoise-shell frames? And, did I think she could wear them to church?

After confessing to being an artist, I wondered with her about what possible problem Creator could have with our being able to see AND liking our glasses!

Which, when you get right down to it, is actually a Filters issue!

And that, dear heart, is a whole other way to see!

Which brings us to a whole new adventure!

YES, you’re invited!!! Think of it as vision. As a living map from where you are to where you dream of being… And, before you cave to not ready or too busy or very scary, take a deep breath, please. And CLICK HERE for all the info! It’s a whole lot like glasses you can see out of and love!!!

ps… hurry!!! Our inspirational adventure starts soon and we’re keeping the group small!

pps… questions??? Click the link above and it will lead you to the calendar elves who would be delighted to hook you up with time for – well – questions! (We love questions!!!)

And a new painting adventure begins!

One with a name which might be a bit of a surprise…

Temple… The Artist Erotic, led by Curate Shiloh Sophia McCloud and Dr. Havi Brysk Mandell and a host of other folks with answers and cameras and music and tech skills.

Imagine for this moment that you’re heading out for 3 weeks in your favorite fantasy destination with just one tiny personal item, only to end up staying for 3 months… which is to say that this Temple journey is growing by the moment!

And, as you’ve probably heard me mention, the paintings for Red Madonna and Origins and Guardian are already filling up my studio and my dreams. Grandmother Moon even whispered that we might have enough going on!

I could have delayed Temple for a while. In fact, I was going to. And then it turned into a 90 day opportunity to focus on what my body needs, which all of me needs!

(My ortho guy and my physical therapists are thrilled!)

So… Temple. Now.

We began on Thursday. (Well, technically!) Music. Dancing, even! Red Thread. And a shiny graphic map of our fledgling journey which insisted on being combined, in my heart, with another image that very much guides me… and turned out looking like this on page one of my repurposed journal with the intentional cover art…

Then, much to my delight, a question! (I love questions!!!)

What are you present to, now?

And the flood gates opened, after a whole lot of holding back pain and mobility challenges and – since we’re being real – fear. Fear of not being strong enough to walk the walk.

Here’s most of what I wrote in response, on page two, with my favorite red pen.

I am present to pain. To hope. To promise. MY promise.

I am present to opening myself to this journey.

I am present to how much my body needs and deserves my Fierce Compassion.

Ummmm… mike drop!!!!! And my red pen had more to say…

I open myself to this journey by becoming “one of those five people” for my body! I listen to my body. I take my body seriously. I do not shame or blame my body for its questions. I treat my body with the loving perspective of a Fiercely Compassionate Rebel Grandmother!

To which my obvious response was, indeed, Ummmm… Duh!

And, my next, internal, response – not surprisingly – was a wee story from the way-back machine.

Once upon a time, quite a while ago, deep in the land of Ericksonian Hypnotherapy training, a new friend commented that I was, “really into power”.

I was shocked and aghast... until I realized that, while I’m not much into power OVER, I am, indeed, quite into power FOR!

Trust me when I tell you that, even three days in, this journey is all about that!

And, it’s also about my Big Why!

About helping others – people just like you – to claim the place where their deep joy and the world’s deep longing meet. In this world. Even now.

Okay… Especially NOW!!!

And, then, helping to map out the path from your here to your there, in ways that are as deep and true and empowering for you as mine are for me.

Here’s the big news… it’s almost time for Oh, I See… Consciously! to begin. And you’re going to be invited! There’s some calendar stuff to sort, and I’m on it.

For this moment… perhaps you’d care to muse on this…

And start pondering what you are present to!

Details very soon!

ps… Oh, I See… Consciously! is intentionally designed to be really, really flexible and accessible, including an alchemical painting process! The world needs you!

pps… want more info even before it’s all techy-neat and colorful??? The calendar elves will be thrilled to hook you up with 45 min. My gift. We’ll see what feels like a good fit for you. Small group and individual options will be available for determined dreamers!

ppps… the intentional cover art on my repurposed journal??? Names! Grandmothers and granddaughters. Mine. In my hand. Which is a lot like em-power-ment!

Welcome to the Fireside of the Dangerous Old Women, as we bid farewell to 2023 and call in 2024. You’re a specially invited guest to the regular Crone Moon meeting of my Red Madonna sisters, walking the journey called Tree of Life.  Dr. E. and I are so glad you’re here!!!

Settle into this moment of reflecting with hope and comfort. We are, each in our own ways and whatever we’re feeling, still standing and still dancing.

For me, I enter the unknown with a medicine basket full of new perceptions and stories. With a heart full of my girls laughing and leaping ocean waves. With huge new clarity around my Big Why!

And there is still more that I bring. A kneecap sliding out of place way more than it used to. A rather urgent need for a visit with an eye doctor. Some lingering fears from an autumn of trauma triggers.

And, blessedly, a new vision of what Fierce Compassion looks like for my journey. And a fresh supply of index cards! (It’s a whole new year!)

Here’s one that surprised me, amidst the storm of fireworks I’d rather hadn’t been going on all around me on New Year’s Eve.

Nope! It doesn’t look like much. It probably doesn’t even make much sense to you. For me, though, it’s the Muse whispering the next pieces of my Guardian painting for Origins. Scribbles and scratching even I wouldn’t have understood before this particular moment.

And that, in my mind, is a wonder!

It’s also a reminder that, when we open ourselves, we often hear things we had no space for until, well… until we did. And that led me to my Shaman’s Dream oracle deck! Let’s listen…

Woodwives… adaptability, strong roots, growth!

The Woodwives dance into your dreams as a reminder to be grounded no matter what life offers you. You need to know who you are, what you’ll tolerate, what you’ve learned to date, and what boundaries to set so you feel good about yourself. Life is going to offer you something extraordinary now, and, in order to learn and receive its blessings, you must remember that being grounded gives you more freedom, not less.

You have everything you need; you have all it takes to do this right now. If you also keep reminding yourself to be flexible, you will be amazed by how well things play out for you. The Woodwives are both wisdom keepers and students of the new world, as these forest spirits have an uncanny ability to adapt to changing circumstances and always find the perfect way to grow and expand. They represent what you already know how to do.

Learn. Be in beginners’ mind. Let go of your rigid notions of how things “should” be, and be present to what is right now, unencumbered by your projections. Is there a storm brewing because things need to change? No worries – nothing can uproot you now, and it will pass, and you will dance with nature and move with it all.

Perhaps you’ve being given an opportunity to take a chance on something new, and you’re not sure how far you can go without losing your footing. Have no fear, for when you remember your roots – your integrity, your authentic self – you can stretch yourself beyond the invisible line you drew. Go for it. You will be so glad you did.

And, in case you’re wondering, this is the card which found me after much shuffling and passing them through my hands.

And, some of it feels like a stretch for me.

And, isn’t that the point???

So… we’re going to try something new, here in this moment of consciousness, around the fireside of the Dangerous Old Women.

I’m inviting you to open your eyes and your heart to your inner Oracle. Start this year with the intention of noticing and wondering. Of finding your message. At your easel. In your journal or a favorite book. In a dream. Even on a bumper sticker! Open yourself to the wisdom around you. And, if you feel led, share what you discover, here, in this circle. Your voice helps all of us on this journey!

Blessed be!!!

ps… you can reply, below. Or, email me at suesvoice@gmail.com

pps… have you ever imagined there could be a moment when all the wandering and learning and sorting and choosing and scaring yourself silly could come together with your Big Work? There can be and I can help! Details to follow… soon. Unless you’re really, really ready now! Just ask the calendar elves to hook you up with 45 min. My gift. You tell me where you are and what you hope for. I’ll share some possibilities. It really can be your moment!