Really, I did!
Delicious, perfectly textured, yeasty, golden brown bread in gorgeous pottery loaf pans, scenting the house with a hint of heaven.
I loved the process.
Planning. Checking the pantry. Checking the calendar. Doing the math on mealtime.
I loved the mixing. Measuring just so, even though that’s not my usual thing. Everything in just the right order. (It matters!)
A bit of help with the kneading from the magical mixer. My shoulder singing its gratitude.
Mostly, I loved what came next.
Helped out, according to the season, with a light bulb or an ever so slightly warmed oven.
Alchemy in my kitchen!
Then, what bakers refer to as punching down, which always struck me as a bit more assertive than necessary. The heel of one hand pressed into the puffy dough, deflating it before my eyes.
And then, hand kneading. Just a bit, with a smidge of leftover flour, silky, elastic dough on the way to loaf pans for more rising.
Baking, next of course. Fragrant. Comforting. And the torture of cooling.
Actual eating, almost (but not quite!) anti-climactic after a day of music for all the senses.
Take. Eat. Ritual as much as anything.
I used to bake bread.
And how my grandmother used to bake 40 loaves a week on a wood stove will remain a cosmic mystery for me!
Now, though, I am in a season apart from eating bread. (And pasta and most grains. Except for a bit of rice with really good sushi now and then.)
It’s not that I no longer appreciate them.
It’s just that I feel a lot better when I don’t eat them. I’m more mobile. Less limited.
These are great things!
Greater, perhaps, than actually eating the bread.
Oddly, the baking of the bread is still with me, even though only in my memory just now. In some unexpected way, I am changed by the bread I have baked.
By a commitment to the best ingredients I could get.
By finding time for an art form.
By rolling around in the process with all of who I am.
Do I have questions?
Well, yes. Conflicts, even, some days.
For now, though, I’m appreciating.
Appreciating what I learned baking bread.
Appreciating how I feel when I choose, in this season, not to eat it.
This is not an “all or nothing” kind of experience.
Instead, it’s something much harder.
An experience of making room for the many things that are true, even when they don’t always go together very well.
Harder, and still more helpful, I think.
Where have you had similar experiences?
What have you learned?
What difference might it make in your world?
I used to bake bread.
Bread is baking me still.