As long as I can remember, I’ve gotten choked up talking about things which matter deeply to me.
Eventually, I guess I got used to it, even while realizing it made others uncomfortable, or judgemental, which made me wish I could quit.
Fast forward to my first year in Seminary. The whole tear thing happened a lot there. So many things mattered deeply! I began to get really concerned when it came time to interview for my summer internship after my first year at CTS. You see, in my very limited practice preaching, I cried.
During my interview with my about-to-be ministry supervisor, I mentioned my concern. Gary, a fairly recent CTS grad himself, gave me this advice:
Be sure to have tissues in your pocket. You wouldn’t want to blow your nose on your sleeve!
We laughed together and I knew I had found my place!
(We’ll ignore for the moment that back in those days of the late 1980’s, women had to pay extra to get a pocket put into a clergy robe! Men, as the theory went, only needed a slit in the side seam of the robe because then they could reach their pants pocket! Anyway…)
The tear phenomenon didn’t stop, though I felt less “bad” about it.
Others, it seemed, did not feel less bad.
The bottom line is this… I cry when things matter.
Yesterday, I found a new way to understand that bit of me.
My discovery came in the midst of some work I’m doing with Dr. Kayleen Asbo. Kayleen is a writer, teacher, musician, artist, historian, and pilgrimage leader whom I first met on my Black Madonna Intentional Creativity® journey, four years ago.
In her Magdalene Emerging reading for Tuesday, I discovered this:
Tears are a royal road. If we want to find our truest path and calling in life, we are to follow our tears!
And in my notes, the ps… And not apologize for them!
I’m in! And now I know why!!!
These days, my tears show up most often when I dream and write and paint about empowering Grandmothers to survive and thrive in this world so they can empower their littles – the ones they love the most – to do the same.
And all this tear-knowing made me wonder…
Where are your tears calling you to follow?
I really hope you’ll share! Leave a comment here, or email me. firstname.lastname@example.org
In this moment, I’m off to work some more on my Intentional Grandmothers Archetype project. It’s closer and closer to ready!!!
I’ll leave you, though, with a bit of Kayleen’s prayer:
May I pay fierce attention to where I am called by love’s deepest longings.
May it be so for you, whatever your tradition. May it be so for all of us.
ps… That’s a glimpse of my Bella Mama in the photo.