Category: Grandmothers

Thirty-eight years ago, in this particular moment, I was sitting, hugely pregnant, with the ankles of several elephants, feet propped on a coffee table wondering if the restless, opinionated child within me would ever decide to make an appearance.

It had not been an easy pregnancy. I was experiencing pre-eclampsia, which we used to refer to as toxemia. It’s a tradition in my family! My blood pressure was high. I gained 10 pounds of water weight a day and spent each night running to the bathroom, exhausted and, frankly, scared.

Add to that the whole single, food-stamp mom thing…

And the salt free p-nut butter on salt free bread…

I was not, I suspect, anybody’s inspiration for madonnas on Christmas cards.

This year is much different!

This year, that “kid” and I are rocking gently along on a big boat with the ones we love the most, playing in the pool and having new adventures and pausing, now and then, for some quiet time in a deck chair for the ankles which seem to be remembering.

David, well mostly Dave, has lived up to his name which means Beloved in Hebrew, though I didn’t know that then.

He, and Kelly and the girls, are equal parts inspiration and motivation in my life.

They call me, constantly, back to the best in me.

Back to my hopes for the world.

We all have a lot of hoping to do, these days.

And a lot of work, as well.

We won’t do it all the same way and that’s ok. It seems to me, though, that the reminder of this season is that we are hoping for Peace and Light.

In a few short days, this boat is going to dock and it will be time to join the herd of souls racing back to the real world and remember that, while hoping is important, acting is too.

It’s time to bring Light and Hope to the darkness in our tiny corners of the world. There are lots of things we can’t fix. And quite a few that we can.

I’ll be starting with chemo soup for a friend. And help for a whole bunch of huge, fabulous dogs. And art as a signpost to Love. What will you choose?

Yesterday, a well-meaning, though somewhat naive, soul asked me what I’d gotten done for the day.

Several responses flashed through my head. Not all of them helpful!

Then I started a list.

Before I share that list, let me say first that it feels like lots of things are changing. And, predictably, I don’t sleep too well in phases like this. At least not at night.

The former O.R. nurse in me remembers rule one. Sleep when you can. You may never get another chance! So, the first thing on my list was the note that I’d actually gotten in a nap.

Then there was all the usual family member, dog mom, homeowner kind of stuff. Feel free to fill in the blanks.

Then there were hours worth of the tedious parts of modern book publishing. Finding ISBN’s. Writing book descriptions. Filling out forms. And more forms.

(Did I mention there’s going to be a new book?)

A bit of a sewing project.

About four quarts of really good soup. Dinner. Lunch. Freezer.

Some meditation time.

And the realization that I hadn’t really gotten all that much done  in the sense of completed.

Next, a sudden mental ski jump.

My goddesses had been quite busy!

And with it, a whole basket full of memories.

In 2003, when I was deep in all the difficult decisions that go along with the need to undergo a hysterectomy, I happened across Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen’s amazing book, Goddesses in Older Women.

There was much to learn.

Using mythological figures and Jungian archetypes, Bolen explores the different energies women might find active in their lives as they experience some of the transitions associated with aging.

It was kind of a new perspective for me! And, it’s been a while. Long enough that it is not too surprising that I can’t  put my hand on my copy of this amazing book, which I’m sure is around here somewhere. Let’s agree, in this moment, that I’m sharing the meaning I found in those pages rather than actual passages from the book. (Just click the link in the title above and get yourself a copy!)

It made sense to me that, in the impending transitions I faced, my focus might shift. From warrior goddess, perhaps, to a greater focus on hearth and home. From mother goddess to partner. From before to now to later.

One of the things I really appreciate about Bolen’s work is that it doesn’t feel prescriptive in the sense of how things ought to be, but more descriptive with options for understanding unfolding experience. It’s a really good book!

So what brought that all up again yesterday?

Well, somehow when I first read these thoughts years ago, I imagined that the goddesses in my world would all take turns, rather like polite house guests, and we’d bond over a stockpot or a quilt before the next guest came to visit.

I never imagined juggling writing and publishing, stockpots, three enormous dogs, new things to learn, the need for a bathing suit, and major life questions about callings.

In fact, I think I assumed I’d be through being called.

Now I know that we’re never really through.

Whether by the Creator of our understanding, or the Universe, or the voices of our own spirits, if we listen, we are being called.

A word of warning…opening ourselves to that kind of listening is likely to keep us up nights.

And it just might start quite a party of goddesses in our lives.