I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.
-The Word according to Anne Lamott
It’s been a week for clinging to just those words. (Actually, I’ve been clinging to them for a lot longer than that, and you’ve probably heard them here before, but I’m okay with that!)
Standing up, on Sunday, with a small tribe of bravely anxious women, to BE and to create.
Accepting help on Monday for something I “should” be able to do myself… traveling along with Luther on the grooming journey.
I don’t have the flexibility to do it alone. And it took a while to find him just the right expert who will sit on the floor in our family room and adjust every day professional patterns to the needs of a huge, blind dog with post traumatic stress.
Luther made it a whole 55 minutes!!! (And I could knit several dogs with what we swept off the floor!)
Then I spent some time painting with the very wise young man next door. While he worked away on his new project, and patiently explained the various categories of chaos from a video game, I felt this small canvas calling for some more love in the form of a Big, Scary Glaze (Dioxazine Purple) and then a good bit of silver, stirred with just a smidge of the purple left on my palette.
If we’re being real, it was was undoubtedly the wisdom of Anne Lamott just peeking through the drips and glaze that was calling to me!
Then I did something that is a major stretch for me personally but is completely aligned with what I believe. It was hard. It will probably be hard when I do it again on Thursday. And Friday. And some more next week and the week after.
I’m hoping it will be a little less hard each day.
I know it will be just as important.
Which is, I suspect, why the hand written intention that insisted on being included in my new painting, Oracle and Ally – otherwise known as Legend, is both prayer and promise to myself and to my teachers. To Annie and Shiloh and Stella Mac and all the rest. To all the generations of mothers and grandmothers, from all over the world, who came before me and made me and my girls, bit by bit, for this moment.
Yes, it’s scary. But that’s no reason to hide.
#WIP’s abound! And I’ve started a serious practice of “should-ing” on myself a whole lot less!
I’m aware that a lot of my “shoulds” are a result of years of other people saying “you’re really strong” , “you can manage anything”, “you can do this”. I could do it then, because there was no choice, But the result now is a woman who is 30 years older, tired of always being strong, tired of managing everything, who would really appreciate somebody else doing things for a change!
I so hear that, Sallie! I love your being aware of where some of your “shoulds” come from. Sounds like it gives you more choices these days! Thanks for reading and speaking out!!!
I’m am so with y’all! I’m 70 and although that’s no longer ‘old’ at least not in my books, I’ve had to realize that there are some things that I just don’t need to be doing anymore. The ladder is no longer my friend, and moving heavy furniture by myself just isn’t an option anymore. Asking for help is hard and receiving it is humbling. It takes me longer to do things and I’m resting more than I used too. But that’s ok. Giving myself permission to do nothing has been a challenge.
Thanks, Marsha, for “singing” along! Together, we make each other stronger and more okay with leaving ladders to others!!! Here’s to “nothing” now and then!