Welcome, Intentional Grandmothers, to a great example of the places where many things are true and they don’t always seem to get along…kids and change! For years, now, we’ve been engaged in a lose-lose battle over what kids need with regard to changes in their lives. Let’s start by admitting there isn’t a simple answer!
First, we are all born with different personality tendencies and one of those tendencies has to do with how we perceive change. Some people are horrified by the very notion. Some are thinking, “Cool! Adventure!” Very often these people marry each other and have babies. Predictably, we wind up with, “He has to go to bed at the same time every night!” and “Schedule-schmedule!” Both followed by, “I did just fine!” And none of that is really about the kid.
In my family, we moved a lot. The oral tradition insists that I arrived home from the second day of first grade and announced that some kid in my class, named Jeanne, “Had lived here her whole life!” We were, by that time, on my 4th state and 6th house. It was incomprehensible to me. I honestly think I just thought change happened. My younger sister, who’d missed a few of those moves, seems to have decided that change was just plain wrong and she was not at all in favor.
Nature or nurture? Oldest or youngest? Who’s to say?
What we do know is that life is changing and changing pretty fast. Helping our kids see that as normal, while perhaps practicing some extra coping skills, seems like the best idea to me. Also, clearly, it’s age-related.
Infants, especially breast-fed infants, create a culture of routine and that’s helpful for development. We’re talking about people with no grasp of the developmental notion of object permanence. They are comforted by a routine in which hunger brings crying brings (usually) Mom brings a warm belly and dry diapers. Then we start over. That’s developmentally appropriate and good for brain health.
When they start heading out into the world on their own two feet, we need to have practiced a few other things. Teachers do things differently than we do them at home. That’s OK. (Well, almost always.) Sometimes story time comes when you’d rather be playing Legos. That’s OK, too. My teacher got another job and now we have another teacher. That’s OK. Let’s see what we’ll learn from him!
Boardman, Grandmothers Are In Charge Of Hope
You, being an intentionally clever sort, have figured out why these thoughts in this moment.
Things are, in fact, changing really fast these days! And not all of those changes feel like progress.
There’s more of this story to come.
Sometimes, though, it helps to have someone to talk to when we’re not sure what to do with all the change.
I’m here. Half an hour. No charge. Just time to be heard and explore some options which really could help.