I wasn’t too good at being pregnant.
Part of that was, no doubt, context. Newly single. Stressed. Scared. No real idea of what the future held. The only thing I knew for sure is that I loved and fiercely adored the wee being growing inside me.
Another part of that was, by all accounts, genetic. There’s a long history, on my Mom’s side of the family, of what we used to call Toxemia, but now refer to as pre-eclampsia.
High blood pressure. Major food restrictions. And really, really, really fat ankles.
Timing Braxton-Hicks contractions every night for a week before I finally went into active labor.
Then, I rang the big red bell and had grand mal seizures in labor. I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say that Dave and I made it and I feel hugely blessed.
I’m kind of back in that place just now, pregnant with a book and a new way of being in the world.
My ankles are better this time!
I’m reminded, though, of the Braxton-Hicks experience, in these days.
My Initiate Book, or graduation project, for Color of Woman is out of my control, in this moment, off in the land of electronic formatting.
Soon, it will be time for editing, which is when the next part of my labor will begin.
Well, not begin, so much, as actually result in a birth.
Until then, I am practicing the fine arts of asking for help and releasing the need for control.
For now, I am waiting. Waiting on a wise and talented friend to make her magic, even in the midst of several life complications of her own. Aided by a bit of pimento cheese!
Today, I have coped by binge watching Grey’s Anatomy and plotting Intentional Creativity workshop dates in my calendar. I’m also having occasional fantasies about video workshops, which seem, for now, to be shouted down by my inner critic reminding me that it hasn’t been a good week for me in tech land.
It’s been chilly and rainy, which makes the floors wet and the big dogs happy.
A couple of domestic projects have been crossed off the list.
I have a plan hatching for the first few weeks in November. Bookkeeping and connection building will be involved. And an exploration of the Colorful Scars painting workshop. And rest. And lots of bone broth. Somehow, the freezer is bare!
In this moment, my phone is feeling seriously empowered by my checking every 5 or 6 minutes for messages.
Tonight, some marathon dog grooming. And an Italy flashback, complete with local, artisanal Coppa, a very fine Italian Asiago raw milk cheese, and some Georgia organic sourdough crackers.
Next on my list… learning how to slipcover a wing back chair which I might just need to know shortly. There is a granddaughter involved!
For now, pacing in the waiting room!
Life is complicated. Making a difference is good.