Witnessing…

Welcome back to work-in-progress Wednesday.

In this case, a bit more work than usual!

You see, this is one of those times when the Muse is in charge and I’m just holding the brush!

If you’ve been reading along, you may recognize the first layers of #Matrica which has been on my easel since just before the first of the year.

I had a plan.

She had another.

Which is probably just as well, since my world seems to have other plans, too.

Here’s the Readers’ Digest version…

I’m sorting a lot of things just now, needing to make a decision. It’s a decision I’ve needed to make before and it doesn’t get easier.

What is different is that I am.

I’ve learned new things. And walked new paths.

I’ve added some new (or, perhaps, old!) beliefs to my Medicine Basket.

And – surprise! – the context keeps changing, too!

So, I wasn’t all that surprised when a bear insisted on appearing on my canvas.

My dear friend/shima, Maria Yraceburu, told me, a year or so ago, that I am bear clan.

Like so many things in my current world, this is not something we covered in nursing school or seminary!

There’s a lot of info online about animal guides and such. Here’s some of what feels important to me just now:

On a spiritual level, the bear represents the courage to evolve and the ability to be open-minded. In addition, the bear reminds us to trust our instincts and to be protective of our faith…. they also carry the message of the need to retreat so we can recharge, and reminders to be gentle.

Painting the bear has been a whole other adventure!

The photo at the top is where we were shortly before I headed for bed last night. And, yes, she looked a bit like a cross between an otter and a small show dog!

This next pic is from this morning’s first step in editing, also known as the hard part!

The actual decision that some of what has appeared must disappear to make space for new-ness…

Then, a whole lot of experimenting. And squinting. And some phone calls. And some tears.

Here’s where we are, now…

The phase that feels like hope, despite the hours of changes and layers of paint and a chorus or two of, what was I thinking?

Those same hours held some tears and some hard conversations – mostly the internal kind.

And, frankly, nothing has gotten easier!

Except a reminder of the belief that’s under all the other beliefs that hang out in my medicine basket, amidst the brushes and glazes and dreams and a six petaled rose.

There’s more work to do, though she looks a whole lot more like a bear now, and there is wise kindness in her eyes.

I’m hoping we’ll sleep.

ps… need a bit of sorting and stocking help with your medicine basket? Even if you’re not the painting type… I can help! Just let the calendar elves hook you up with 45 minutes, as my gift to you, and we’ll see what next step appears!

pps… she’s going to need a name! Ideas???